I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
