This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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