You're completely useless in the revolution.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
