oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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