They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
