fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
