I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
