Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
