I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
