too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
