In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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