If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
