My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
