yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
