just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
