I only kidnapped one of them. chill
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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