why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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