Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
