It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
