I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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