Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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