I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
