dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
