So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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