they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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