no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
