I hate your face
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
