White coat. Heels.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
