I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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