Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
