so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
