I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
