The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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