not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
