So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
How's work?
Spinning.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
