drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
