You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
