he told me I talked like a deaf person
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
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