How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
