So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
