I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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