Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I can text with my tongue
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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