This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
