I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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