He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
