you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
