I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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