i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Randomize
