apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I had to cum in my sink.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
