The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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