awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
