How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
