why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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